1 am thought, after a ultimate heartbreak

It's 1 am

I cannot sleep, My head hurts.

Honestly, I feel relieved to know all the answers to the question I've been asking for the past 24 hours.

I'm disappointed and angry and no longer have someone to trust and rely on.

I value family and friendship too much, and yep, that's my fault.

In the end, It's just me, alone.

God, I'm so tired, please let me sleep..

Bucket list (real time update)

1. Witness Shohei Ohtani’s home run

2. Cross the island by ferry

3. Lil Nas X concert

(Tbd)

An Update

12 June 2021, minutes-to-midnight WIB

Eriksen was collapsed just right before the ball passed to him

Denmark's captain, Simon Kjær, cleared Eriksen's airway, make sure his position was right, and gave CPR as the first aid, and then the medical team came to resuscitate him. Right now he is awake, breathing, and can speak.

Actually, I started to admire football club physician team since I saw Matias Ibo on our national team in AFF 2010.

Some people asked me about which medical specialty I will take after I finish my study. I often answered it with a laugh "Of course being Manchester United medical teams" and they would respond it with a laugh too, or maybe "You can try to be PSIS medical teams first tho" and I would say "Sure, we start with a small step!" (actually it's big enough).

And after this Eriksen incident, gosh I really want to be a part of football club medical team so bad. They're so cool. 

Hello, 21.

 well, last year was epic. 

to my child or whoever it is, at 20, you may experience some things.

at 20, you may waste your money on food you like with your friends for a post-exam celebration.

at 20, you may work hard for an event and then feel so proud of the result.

at 20, you may find it hard to divide the time between your friends and lover.

at 20, you may feel worried about choosing the department and find a title for your thesis.

at 20, you may go on a trip with your lover and start bickering about something in the middle of the trip.

at 20, you may choose the destination for your family's holiday.

at 20, you may dance on TikTok, everyone is praising you, but he/she doesn't.

at 20, you may feel anxious because of a new disease that spread quickly.

at 20, you may feel sad because your lover is sad too, but you do nothing about it because you scared that something you do will hurt his/her feelings.

at 20, you may do some selfish act and it'll hurt someone's feeling.

at 20, you may break up with your lover, and cry until your head hurts and your body dehydrated.

at 20, you may feel everything is unfair and you need exact reasons why did it happen.

at 20, you may only stay at home because of the pandemic.

at 20, you may understand that your family and your best friends are your support system.

at 20, you may start to forget the one who hurt you.

at 20, you may stan multiple K-Pop groups and you feel happy because it's part of your sanity.

at 20, you may do your research in the whole new environment, new people, new tools, etc.

at 20, you may start driving your car by yourself.

at 20, you may do a social volunteer with your friend and meet some new friends.

at 20, you may feel angry and ashamed at the same time because someone mocks you in a group.

at 20, you may feel disappointed because your research failed.

at 20, you may feel exhausted because you stay in the laboratory for a day long.

at 20, you may feel loved by your friends.

and at 20, you should be grateful for what happened in your life.

at 21, please learn from past events and be a better person in the future.

Aku, sudah.

Doaku untuk Tuhan, tolong hilangkan bayang-bayangnya dari pikiranku
Sungguh, aku sudah tidak keberatan, aku sudah terima segala keputusan
Aku, sudah berusaha tidak membenci
Jadi mohon, bukankah baiknya semuanya cukup?

Alangkah lucunya, sebelumnya aku selalu inginkan kehadirannya dalam mimpi
Tapi kenapa, disaat aku sudah tidak menginginkannya, dia hadir?
Aku, sudah rela. Aku, sudah lebih bahagia
Jadi mohon, bukankah baiknya semuanya cukup?

Please?

Could you please STOP hurting me?

Eyyyyy

Thanks god, you gave me a reason to take a step forwatd